Insanity

“In my experience, the prettier a girl is, the more nuts she is, which makes you insane…” I think Odessa’s beloved would agree with that quote. Especially after the dream she shared with me last night.

Normally when she comes to me in dreams I’m just an observer. Last night I was her, totally inside her head. Let’s just say inside her head was a very creepy place to be.

I know she took me there because I wouldn’t have been able to fully understand from any other position other than deeply into her point of view.

I was there for the birth of Amalie to experience Odessa’s meltdown that her child didn’t have her red hair or her beloved’s dimples or intense blue eyes. She freaked the hell out over having in her words, “such an ugly baby”. Carmella had to take the baby out of the room to get Odessa to stop screaming. She wasn’t able to nurse her child without crying or having her beloved there to hold her.

Amalie really wasn’t ugly, it was more that she was closer to plain. To a woman as spectacular beautiful as Odessa I guess that would be akin to ugly. No wonder this child had self-esteem issues. Dess hurt so deeply for her daughter because all her life she got by on being extremely gorgeous. She never worked a real job. She always had either of her two men there to take care of her. I honestly don’t think she could have functioned without them, especially her beloved.

Odessa freaked out because she feared for what would happen to Amalie, not being beautiful enough to lure a man as she had. She didn’t want her child to suffer the same fate as her mother or her sister Olivia. Sure, she had a weird way of showing her love, but deep down that’s what it was, love. The only way she knew to express it.

If Amalie hadn’t been born at home I think Odessa would have demanded a DNA test. She knew with 100% certainty that her beloved had fathered the child. He had talked her out of having an abortion by agreeing to their handfasting ceremony and placing a platinum band on her finger.

If ever there was a time he wanted to leave his wife for her it was during this period. Odessa had been the one to be there for him when he had major surgery to save his vision. She was the one to nurse him back to health. Amalie was conceived while they were in Houston dealing with his surgery.

He was just so obsessed with maintaining his uber good guy image and there were millions of dollars and a business on the line. He just couldn’t handle being the one to end his marriage and how it would play out in the public. He was a very prominent and well known person in Tampa. His wife knew about Odessa, she knew about the child he had with her. He gave his wife the option to deal with it or leave. She chose to stay. There were many nights when he didn’t come home. He flaunted Odessa every chance he got. She had the run of his office. Their affair was no secret.

If she ever doubted his love for her, this would have been when he proved how much he cared about Odessa. He was there for Amalie’s birth. He paid for Carmella to take a leave of absence from her job as a surgical nurse to tend to Odessa and Amalie when the postpartum depression disabled Odessa. Later, her moved her sister down from North Carolina to help when Carmella had to go back to work.

He showed her photos of his son and assured her that it was his fault that Amalie wasn’t as beautiful as her mother. He told her he just didn’t make pretty babies and that no kid could have ever been as gorgeous as his Goddess Odessa.

The sweetest thing he did was almost every day for months on end he got Odessa dressed and out of bed and took her out on his boat. The two of them would spend the day sailing around the gulf, alone together separated by the rest of the world by all that water. It was on that boat that she started to heal.

If there ever was a time when he might have considered leaving her it should have been then. But he didn’t. He stuck it out and held her while she cried. He wiped away her tears and told her a million times how much he loved her and how they would get through this. And they did, at least for the next 15 years.

He gave her back her will to live and in the process took her heart. It got to where neither of them could function without the other. When his life was taken there was no way Odessa would have kept going a day longer than she did. She hung on for Amalie and then when Amalie was gone she gave in to her depression. She took the pills and drank the tainted absinthe. She wanted to die. She wanted to join her beloved on the other side.

Their’s was a love story like no other. I can only hope my writing will someday do it justice.

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