It’s Just Emotions

Cory-50

Cory Everson has always been my fitness inspiration. This woman has always had what I consider the perfect body. When I was training for fitness contests my “trainer” plastered a nude photo of Cory on my fridge. Try stuffing your face when looking at that ideal. I actually got to meet Cory and do leg training with her when she was in Charlotte visiting the gym where I worked at the time. I don’t know who marked out more, me or the “trainer”. I swear he followed her around the gym like a love struck puppy dog.

I am hoping to make the Cory ideal the image I now invoke while I am struggling to control my emotional eating.

I’ve been an emotional eater all my life. When I was younger it was ice cream. Over the years it morphed into pizza and chips and other nasty carbohydrates. You’d think being forced to give up the gluten would have taken care of that urge, but no! I happen to bake a delicious gluten free pizza and most chips are gluten free.

When I won my first contest all I cared about was finally getting to eat some ice cream. When the doctor was telling my family of the results of the unsuccessful surgery to remove my daddy’s cancer, all I was thinking about was how I wanted some ice cream. I binge ate with all the food people brought for his funeral, while my mom had to force herself to eat at all. When I broke my ankle while still working at the gym I would get so depressed that I would stop on the way home from work and pick up a frozen pizza. Who remembers those spicy pan pizzas from the early ’90’s. I can’t remember the name brand, but it was probably a good thing when that company went out of business. If I have a bad day at work, my first reaction is to think about going home and eating a pizza. At least with the gluten free crusts it’s not instant gratification. The dough has to sit for 30 minutes, then the crust has to bake for 15 minutes, and then add the toppings for another 12 minutes of baking. It’s healthier, but not a good option.

I used to use sex as another form of gratification, but the whole menopause thing and not being around the boys like I used to be kinda nixed that. Plus, I had a horrible obsession with always looking like a fitness diva. That’s where Courtney came from in my Ring Dreams series. In the early ’90’s I pretty much was Courtney come to life complete with my own version of the real life Billy Dalton. I had good sources of motivation because my Billy was and still is a bit of a snob, he will be the first to say, “I don’t do fat chicks”. If I had started gaining weight he would have quickly nipped that right in the bud.

In the mid-90’s I had the guy I refer to as my “trainer” and his obsession with Cory was worse than mine. yes, we even role played the whole Cory thing in bed. 🙂 But, damn if he didn’t keep me busting my ass in the gym. This was a man who would judge my body fat by the size of breasts, as in he liked them small and firm. At that time all my cleavage came from my Wonder Bras. I was a 36 A and now I am a 40 D. 😦 All it took was an extra 5 pounds for him to ride me to hit the gym even harder. I should probably preface it by mentioning that the dude was HOT. He still is actually and in better shape now that he has retired from the ring than he was then.

Dess has such a hard time understanding my emotional eating because she was the exact opposite. She’ll admit to enjoying a plump strawberry or an occasional dish of ice cream, but this was a woman who almost literally starved herself to death. It wasn’t conscious on her part. She just had no interest in food. A lot of it might have been caused by her very early decision to be a vegetarian. Her father would beat her when she refused to eat what she was fed. Her big sister would try to sneak the meat off her plate, but Dess would willingly take a beating to keep from having to eat the remains of any dead animal. Those beatings left her with no pleasurable associations with food.

A person can’t just stop eating, so I guess my goal is to really find a happy medium.

And so it goes…

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